Talking to family and friends about starting a family

Updated by the Progyny Editorial Team — September 2025.

When you’re thinking about starting a family — or actively trying — support from loved ones can make a world of difference. Family and friends can provide comfort and help you navigate uncharted territory.

At the same time, these interactions can also feel overwhelming. Feeling supported during this time starts with knowing when to set boundaries and what you need from others.

Get comfortable establishing boundaries

Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to talking about personal subjects such as trying to conceive or parenthood. What feels easy for one person may be off-limits for another. Getting to know your “green” versus “red” topics can help you set boundaries and better understand your emotional needs.

Even with good intentions, it can feel frustrating if your body becomes a frequent topic of conversation. Questions like, “When are you going to have kids?” or comments like, “Stress won’t be good for the baby,” may seem harmless. Still, they carry the implication that your reproductive health is open for discussion, which can feel overwhelming or even triggering.

When facing unsolicited advice or prying questions, having simple responses on hand can help. Try:

• “I’m not comfortable talking about this right now”
• “I’d prefer to keep this information private”

If you know someone will be receptive, you might explain why the topic is difficult and reassure them that you’ll share if things change.

If the same comments keep coming up, you may want to set boundaries ahead of time. A quick text or email can strike the right tone while giving clear direction:

“I’m so excited to see you this weekend! Your advice last time meant a lot, but I’d prefer not to discuss ____ right now.”

Ask for what you need

Advocating for yourself by communicating your needs is a skill that will serve you now and in the future. Setting expectations about what support looks like for you can prevent discomfort later.

For example, when talking with friends or family, you can clarify whether you’re looking for advice or simply want to vent. You can also share how you’d like to stay in touch—through calls, texts, or emails—and how often. You might say:

“It really helps when you check in with me. If you called once a week, that would be great.”

If you find yourself feeling drained by these conversations, give yourself permission to step back. Protecting your emotional well-being is just as important as staying connected. Lean on the people who bring comfort and set boundaries with those who don’t. Remember: you get to decide how much to share and when.

Progyny is here for you. If you have any questions, please contact your Progyny Care Advocate for support.

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